Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
-Mary Frye (1932)
Words really cannot express how sad I feel. My heart is overwhelmed with sorrow after hearing the news of her death in an accident.
It seems like yesterday, Preeti was sitting in my clinic with her husband, for some abrasions on her face and nose following a minor accident, she was very anxious about marks on her face…she was curious like a kid- ‘doctor scar won’t be visible…?’… ’are you sure it will fade away with time…?’ And I said – ’sure it will’…
I know time is best healer for deepest wounds…but at this moment I can not say whether it will heal the scar your death has left on the hearts of your near and dear ones…
I pray for her family during this difficult time, to remind them there are many people who care and share their loss in this difficult time of sorrow.
My heart prays for you… for your husband…for your parents…
The death of a loved one is a difficult time. Death and bereavement are often poorly dealt with by clinicians…Clinicians are taught with medicine…but medicine is as much an art as it is medicine… Doctors find dealing with relatives difficult because of poor training in communication, fear of being blamed, or fear of expressing emotion.
Physician’s responsibility for the care of a patient does not end when the patient dies. A condolence letter or sympathy letter can help ease the sorrow felt by the grieving person eventually helping with healing process. It shows that we too are human…while learning tough techniques and precision of modern medicine we are not making a robot of our soul and we do care…we do feel …and we share the journey traveled by our patients…
Letter should be written the way we would normally speak to the person. It is not to show your great writing power, it is to express your feelings…
These guidelines for writing condolence note or letter can be used-
1. Acknowledge the loss and the name of the deceased.
2. Express your sympathy.
3. Note special qualities of the deceased.
4. Include a memory of the deceased.
5. Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths or special qualities.
6. Offer help, a specific offer.
7. End the letter with a thoughtful word, a hope, a wish or expression of sympathy.
A good condolence letter is one that speaks from your heart. Just remember it is more important to express thoughts and feelings about the loss than following any script or formula. It is a way of conveying respect for the departed and reminding families of the importance of the relationship between physician and patient… Condolence notes show your concern and that you care…
